The · Gospel · According · to · Me

Yea, and Michelle and Caitlin and Vicky ravaged the land. And they traveled to Burger King, where they paid their last respects to a friend who was a manager there and was moving to Colorado the next day. And there was much sillyness and merriment. Lo, and soon someone broke out a slew of clear empty ketchup bottles, filled them with frigid water, and began squirting. And it devolved into a huge five-person water-fight within and without the Burger King. And there was much rejoicing and soaking-wet white tank tops, mostly belonging to Michelle. And in the days to come it would be remembered as an epic battle between good, evil, and having it your way. Amen.

Yea, and Michelle and her mother traveled to the Hubcap Place. There they met the merchant who sold hubcaps. Hubcaps were sold by this merchant. And he found a matching hubcap for Maddy's car, which Michelle was borrowing. And it was good. And cheap. Only in Jersey. Amen.

Yea, and Michelle and Joey rampaged the face of the land. And they attended Open-Mic Night at Starbucks, and it was good, for there was a newbie who was from the South of Ireland and played guitar like a choir of angels. Lo, and there was a screeching without. All turned to behold a young man's straight-off-the-lot convertible, which did not belong to him but to his father's mistress. And this convertable had jumped the curb and slammed into a stone pillar not ten feet from where Michelle and Joey sat. The music had to stop for the local law enforcement to arrive and document, and Michelle and Joey were sad. But lo, the music recommenced, and all rejoiced. Except the kid who crashed the car. And Joey and Michelle sang an impromptu song to close the evening and all laughed, as it was a funny song. Amen.

Yea, and Joey and Michelle traveled to the Sage Diner and partook of cream puffs and powdered sugar. And they went to climb many trees and so were "willow-hopping". Michelle tired of simply sitting in the trees. Michelle grabbed branches and jumped out, inventing "tree-diving". Michelle and Joey then took the broken branches and tied them around themselves. They they ran around professing that they were a race of deluded humans who believed that they were elves. Amen.

Yea, and Michelle and Joey visited the Sage Diner. And they partook of cream puffs, which made them giddy as if they had taken drugs. And they traveled to Katie's home. They watched Hostel and Michelle felt as if she would puke. To keep herself from expelling her meal she played with Alyssa's pet rat. There was an impromptu soccer game. Amen.

Yea, and Michelle and Lisa visited the Moorestown Mall. There they saw the General Lee. And it was painted orange with a "O1" on the side. And it had the telltale horn which was then honked at them. Amen.

Yea, and Michelle and Lisa traveled to the Cooper river to view the regatta. There were many men and Michelle and Lisa were happy. And they ate at Mikado, which is not closed but is open. As they went home Lisa played Jack Johnson on the car's stereo, and a truck full of boys attempted to woo the women as they drove next to them by making lewd gestures and suggestive statements between windows. Lo, and Michelle arrived home to discuss catfish and exploding bladders with Kelsey. Amen.

Yea, and Michelle visited The College of New Jersey for three days and two nights. And there was a cast party she attended while dressed in Halloween clothing. And there was Billy Joel singalongs, drunk-watching, the Microwave dance and chicken brought at 3 AM by a merchant called "Cluck You". Michelle marveled at the Library of Congress On Steroids. Michelle presided as High Priestess over a Roman wedding in which all wore togas. Alas, the bride was stolen away by lesbians and Michelle's good friend Laura was not sacrificed to the glory of the pagan gods. The marriage party split then into factions, forming the Island of Lesbians, Rob Vegas, and I-Don't-Give-A-Fuck-Sylvania. Michelle was annexed into Rob Vegas as her position was that of lying on top of them. On the rising of the morn, Michelle attended the breaking of the fast and contributed to the design of modern art made from the scraps of the meal. Amen.

Yea, and Michelle visited the Laurel Acres with Matt. There was much walking, talking, and laughing. And it lasted well into the night. For when they came to travel home, they came to find the parking lot had been locked. Lo, they were not fazed. Matt gunned the engine and drove across the field to exit through the back entrance. Amen.